You haven't given birth!?

Yes, it's true. I have not had a natural birth. I have not had a vaginal birth. Neither have I had an induction,  or forceps or vacuum birth. But, I do have 5 children.

I have had a caesarean section, a medical  or surgical birth. Or, as I prefer, I have had a caesarean birth. Three times actually. And, for full disclosure, I have 2 children by adoption. And about 100 foster babies, toddlers and children.

The Oxford English Dictionary describes birth this way: "The emergence of a baby from the body of its mother; the start of life as a separate being". No matter which exact route is taken, it is birth.

There were clear medical needs for my surgeries and I do not feel guilty, or ashamed, or even less of a woman because I have never had a vaginal birth. My children's lives were at risk and my Dr's saved their lives and on one occasion, saved mine too. So, you see, my births were not without trepidation and chaos.

My first son was born thirty years ago, before there were routine ultrasounds. I had laboured many hours and wasn't progressing, so an epidural was suggested so that I could rest and perhaps once my body relaxed I would dilate. Well I certainly dilate quickly from barely 4 to a good 7. My water was broken to help speed the process, and, it also told us our son was in distress - there was meconium staining! AND, he was breech! As I was only 7cms, we leisurely made our way to the OR.  Baby boy was fine, nursed well and we enjoy his company to this day.

With baby number 2 I used the same practise, but saw their midwife. Again it was a long labour and we tried all kinds of positions to get baby to descend without compressing his cord.  After 16 hours I was tiring, his heart rate kept dipping and taking longer and longer to return. Ultimately, the heart rate stayed down. I was whisked off for emergency surgery. I didn't have an epidural and because it was so emergent they didn't go slowly through the layers of my tissues, they cut right through my (full) bladder, which had adhered to my healing uterus 18 mths earlier. I will let you imagine the repair and healing there! However, I must admit, I was able to put a good spin on the required 7 days in the hospital, because, we had a three year old foster child and our own 18mth old, so I was happy to take all the rest I could get before going home to love on 3 little boys!

Baby number 3, well, in all honesty I had been in labour close to 24 hours two times before, so just said "unzip me" !

I was very happy to read the article recently posted about the new Dillard parents about  no shame in c section births . Sometimes we have caesarean births because there is a grave medical necessity, sometimes it is pressure applied by those we employed to assist us in birth. Either way, there is no shame. You may feel sad, depressed and perhaps have been traumatised, it is ok to grieve the loss of your dream birth. Do please reach out to professionals or trusted family members if your feel that you are hampered by your birth memories, or perhaps have PPD (postpartum depression).

There is no reason for shame! No reason for guilt, no reason to see myself as less of a woman because I didn't have a vaginal birth. I birthed 3 children. They are healthy and now they are giving me grandchildren....so far, born vaginally and one was born at home!

Swim noodles, shelf liner and clear tape!

Last week I spent my days being a commuter. I joined the myriad folks who drive north on the 95 to  work. Let me just say I have a much greater respect for my husband and have a much better understanding for those days when he comes home beyond exhausted.













Anyway, I learned about car seat safety, which is a much bigger topic than I ever imagined.

Before you can learn about car seats for children you have to know all about the seat belts that are in each car. They are different for each manufacturer and always changing! Plus the cars from several years ago clearly have older styles to restraints. It's a huge category.  Retractable, ALR, ELR, sewn, sliding, buckle, latch plate. And on it goes... 67% of the time, if the driver isn't buckled, neither will the child be buckled and safe (National Occupant Protection Use Survey Controlled Intersection Survey 2011). Appropriate car seat or booster seat safety reduces risk of injury by up to 82% (AAA 2012)Vehicle crashes are leading cause of death for children (NHTSA 2012)

Then there are airbags to be considered....and they are coming in more and more places, even in the seat belts themselves!

Finally we can think about the car seats. There are new ones coming out all the time, often just a minor change from a previous model, but a change nonetheless. More initials, FF only, RF convertible, FF harness, BPB, LATCH. But, if you only use the lower anchors you are not really using the LATCH system. The LATCH system has a weight limit too, then what do you do to secure the child in the car? And, what about the winter...its cold and babies and children need a warm fluffy coat, right? Wrong, no coats on in the car.


Forward facing, a huge question which can be answered by the fact that we would all be safer if we travelled backwards! So, leave your children rear facing as long as they fit the convertible car seat makers height and weight limits. Most babies grow out of the infant carrier before a year old..

Plus, what happens when the car seat and the seat of the car, just do not mesh well together? That's were the swim noodles, shelf liner and clear tape come in, but there are very specific ways to use them that are accepted as safe by care seat and car manufacturers.

Once we got the answers to these and many other things we were allowed out into the community to actually participate in a car seat point. Fairfax County PD has these every 3 months or so. Locally, there are none. On occasion the Sheriff's office will be invited to an event.

So, if you have a child who is less than 4'9', 80 pounds and/or 8 years old, contact me and we can make sure s/he are safe, together,   fredericksburg.doula@gmail.com This is a free service as part of the Good Samaritan Law.

What questions should we be asking?

Mar 16, 2015

In life people are often told what to do, when to do it, how to do it and even when to stop. This is true whether you are a parent, a boss, a leader, a mentor or even a guide. We must do our job, by making sure someone else completes their job well.

Sometimes, we just need to do what we are asked or told to do.

In life though, there are plenty of occasions when it would be wise to ask a person  what they would like to do or eat or where they would like to go and how they would like to get there. Just because there are a myriad treatments for a sick person doen't mean it is appropriate or even what that person wants to do with their life. My daughter 6 year old Leyda, died at home because we felt that as a child, inparticular, she should be cozy and comfy...not surrounded by machines and equipment.  There were no organs to donate, so in cooperation with all her specialists, we stayed at home. 

During the birth process, we should be asking moms what they would like to do. Events may take a slightly different path than previously planned. We should be asking how mom would like to proceed, over and above the birth plan (that was prepared with rose colored glasses perhaps). We should stop long enough to let mom think and talk through the options. Even ask the medical staff leave the room. Thus, mom can continue to feel in control and a respected part of the team as the staff return and she states her wishes and/or agreement. Which may well be to wait a little bit to see how things look in an hour!

Actually, Mom is the Captain of the Team!

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Watermelon to the rescue!

Mar 12, 2015

As I was perusing my FB page this morning a mention was made of morning sickness, which can last all day and all pregnancy for some. When it is particularly bad, nothing stays down and IV fluids are required. Then it is call HG or Hyperemesis Gravidarum. There are many tips for treating it, ginger ale, crackers - before you even get out of bed and throughout the day, eat small meals, BioBands, acupuncture and the list goes on. Rarely does a food work  because it can't stay down. Medications are needed and frequent trips to get IV fluids.

Today I heard about watermelon being wonderful for nausea. Despite the fact that it is 92% water it is also loaded with good nutrition in the form of lycopene (more than tomatoes!), it is high in Vit C, A, B6, potassium and magnesium. Watermelon can be crushed and made into frozen pops, too! Perhaps once some meds are in place, watermelon would be a good food to try.

Here are a couple of sites to read further 

http://www.livestrong.com/article/491546-eating-watermelon-while-pregnant/

https://woolworthsbabyandtoddlerclub.com.au/pregnancy/pregnancy-health-and-nutrition/why-you-should-eat-watermelon-during-pregnancy/

And don't forget to carry a nausea kit: In case you're seized by a bout of nausea in an unexpected place, keep an emergency kit handy: plastic bags, wet wipes, napkins, water for rinsing your mouth, a toothbrush and toothpaste, and breath mints. And remember: This too shall pass.

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The Best Things in Life

Mar 11, 2015

....are worth waiting for. Or so I was told as a child. As adult, I have to say it really is true.

Today, however, in all areas of life it seems that we are truly the microwave people. If we can't push a button and make it work or take a pill and make it better there is something seriously wrong. But, is that really the way it is?

Take for example a baby learning to crawl, they often go backwards before they go forward. This learning process takes months, because it begins by holding up your head, using and strengthening your arms, then legs and back. Finally at approximately 9 months the baby begins to crawl forward and is so very happy with himself.

Building a home, creating a lasting relationship, growing vegetables or flowers are all things that, amongst many others, require time and patience, effort and endurance. A quote from a blog I read earlier today "[there is] little in life of considerable value [that is] is done fast". And, "we can also admit there's so much good we cannot hurry." ,And this is the best quote"Geological time evaluates accomplishment by lifetimes, not by minutes, reminding us that we can save the nanoseconds and waste the years."

The same is true of birth, it takes time and energy; there are plateaus and times when labor moves fast. With prodromal labor it can take days for baby and pelvis to meet up well.

So perhaps its time to repeat this phrase over and over again and make it part of your everyday language once again.

The best things in life ARE worth waiting for!

Family Centered Caesarean

Mar 9, 2015These days approximately one third of babies are born by caerarean section, a surgical way to birth a baby through Mom's lower abdomen.  When this occurs, generally speaking the cord is clamped and cut and the baby is taken to a nearby warming table to be checked and swaddled before being handed to dad who holds the baby near mom's face. It is often very appropriate for the health of mom or baby, for the surgical birth to occur. But  what I have described is nothing like the  birth of a baby vaginally. How can a C section be more mother/family/baby oriented? perhaps the family friendly or gentle c section is the answer.

The attached NPR interview is of a friend of mine who delivered her 3rd son via a Gentle C Section at Anne Arundle Medical Center, MD., in October 2014. 

"After Connor was out, with umbilical cord still attached, he was placed right on Caminiti's chest."  

And there he stayed.

It is my opion that this is the most marvellous way to have a caeserean birth. I think the emotion you can hear in Kristin's voice as her son is placed on her chest, confirms that this is the best thing we can do for moms and babies who need a c section.

Throw away placenta!?

Mar 4, 2015

While your baby is growing inside you, the placenta is working hard to filter waste and nutrients. It is attached to the uterine wall and it's kind of like the baby is plugged in to the life source. 

The umbilical cord is the vessel which connects the baby to the placenta and we have all, in the not too distant past, learned to not clamp the cord until it stops pulsating. For the blood to stop flowing through to the baby. The placenta is the tree of life in so many ways. 

"Nutrients and oxygen from the mother’s blood vessels feed into the placenta, where the foot-long umbilical cord channels the precious cargo through two internal arteries to the awaiting fetus. In exchange, a single vein carries fetal waste like carbon dioxide back through the cord to the placenta to be transferred to the mother for disposal via her bloodstream. (For a diagram, click here.) The organ also plays a role in guarding the fetus against bacterial infection, and transfers hormones that control the mother’s metabolism and aid the baby’s growth." I love the picture in this article, but am not in agreement wth the very last sentence!

Now, placenta encapsulation is becoming ever more popular. And for good reason, all the nutrients the baby required are waiting in the placenta, but beacuse the baby is born they have no where to go. Encapsulation allows mom to get back what she had prepared for the baby. and these nutrients and hormones can help her regulate her emotions and milk suply in the early post partum days.

Just look at this 'tree of life'!